If you give a mom a minute

If you give a mom a minute (while the three older kids are at school/preschool and the two younger ones are napping)…she will try to transfer a load from the washer to the dryer.

But according to her new 12-step laundry program, all clean laundry that comes out of the dryer must be put away IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise, it will never get put away. She tries to hang up the white church shirts and then she realizes all hangers in the house are in use…so she goes into the two-year-old’s closet to retrieve hangers.

While looking through the closet she realizes he has outgrown most of his clothing. She cleans out his closet (in order to get the hangers) and makes a pile of give away clothes. Since she is clearing out the closet, she might as well clean out his drawers, also. She now has a BIG pile of clothing to donate…so she heads to the kitchen to get a garbage bag for all the clothes…as she gets a garbage bag, she see the kitchen garbage is overflowing…..for once she has her shoes on and no one to follow her outside…so she takes out the garbage.

While walking down the front walk, she has to duck under the overgrown palm tree. This reminds her that several visitors have had to duck, as well. So she opens up the garage, gets out the electric hedger and clips off the offending palm fronds. She then notices that the lantana and bougainvillea are also encroaching the sidewalk, so she trims those, too.

While trimming, she remembers the 10 o’ clock news report of a burglar in the area who hides in shrubbery. She then takes the hedgers to all shrubs…including ones that have never been trimmed before. Once finished, she remembers her husband is not a big fan of her landscaping skills (maybe because it reminds him of bad haircuts she has given him in the past).

So she gets out the rake to clear away the evidence…an hour later she finally makes it back into the house and changes out of her sweaty, stinking clothes and tries to put them into the washer…but it is full of a load that needs to go into the dryer…a dryer that is full of a load that needs to be hung up/put away.

Carla lives in a suburb outside of Phoenix, is mother to five great kids, and loves to learn new things. You can find her at her blog Six Beez or reach her at carla2822@cox.net.

Keep it real

Be real. I am trying to just be real to my kids. It’s easy as a 3-, 5- or 7-yr-old to view your mom as a perpetual “grown-up.” Someone who has always been just exactly as you see me now. Someone who knows all, never made mistakes, and can’t see life through the eyes of a child.

But guess what, guys? I was a kid once too. Every time I tell stories to my children about my childhood, it astounds them. They are amazed to think that at one time I too was nervous about the first day of school, or was terribly distraught over a fight with a best friend, or had a hard time falling asleep when there was a thunderstorm outside, or loved to have my mom snuggle me in a warm blanket on the couch when I was home sick from school.

When I share with them these real and vulnerable stories about myself, I catch a glimmer in my children’s eyes. Suddenly, it clicks. My mom was once a child just like me. She can understand me. She is human; and somehow finding out about all of my silly habits and goofy stories as a child endears me to them in a way that nothing else has.

I remember one day after reprimanding Ethan for a lie he told, I told him a story about when I was young and had lied about breaking my sister’s record player. Of course the point was to illustrate that I felt really bad inside not just for breaking something special that was hers, but more so for lying about it. I was taken aback by Ethan’s reaction. A grin spread across his face and he threw his arms around me, emphatically declaring, “I love you mom!”

One night all of the kids were grumbling about something yucky I had made for dinner. Could have been any number of nights. I found myself getting angry that they weren’t even trying it. Then I recounted to them the story of when I was a kid and was really hating my mom’s dinner. I had stuffed a bunch in my mouth then asked “May I be excused to go to the bathroom?” Then I promptly ran in and spit everything out in the toilet.

Uproarious laughter ensued.

And you know what? After that, they all tried my dinner.

Bridget Rawlins is a mom to three young children and lives in the Portland, Oregon area. Her passions include reading, working out, traveling, blogging, partying with friends and dancing to loud obnoxious 80’s music with her family. She writes at A Day in the Life.

To me when I was sixteen years old

Dear Celia,

You say you don’t want kids, but you should have them anyway. It is the only way to get out of working full-time. You’ll like them when you get them, I promise. It isn’t all changing diapers and wiping noses like you’ve done your whole life with your younger siblings. You will love your own kids more.

You say you want to be free from responsibility, and while that sounds good, really it is boring and empty. Having kids will make your life meaningful and interesting. When you are responsible for something or someone, you love it more. And when you love something a lot, then life is worthwhile. Think about how much you love your Honda Elite 150 scooter. A lot, right? Well, imagine loving something 100 times that. You know how you wake up every morning and feel happy to see your scooter? That is how you feel when you wake up and see your children every day.

You say you just want to have fun. Here’s a secret you don’t know yet: You get to relive your childhood with each kid. Childhood is fun, remember? It wasn’t too long ago for teenaged you. Not only do you get to be excited about Christmas and Disneyland again, you get to be excited about your children achieving milestones like walking, reading, playing instruments, babysitting, and on and on.

You think YOU are the most interesting person in the world. As it should be for now, but trust me, there isn’t anything more interesting than a little person who reflects you and your husband’s personalities. When one of your children starts walking around with his nose in a book or putting together cute outfits, you’ll know where it came from. You. And what is more interesting than you?

I don’t really need to convince you. I’m pretty sure you are going to have children someday. I predict you’ll have four and that they will be the best things that ever happened to you. Better than a new car or a trip to Europe or a kiss from the cute boy. I promise.

Love, An Older And Hopefully Wiser Me

Celia, mother to four children, lives in the California Bay Area. She writes about it at Groundhog Day with Celia Fae.

A letter to young moms, from an old one

I have a postcard with a picture of a woman sitting on the beach.  The caption says, “How beautiful to do nothing and rest afterward.”  I actually have days like that every once in a while.  I feel a little guilty about it when I talk to one of my daughters and am reminded of the life of a young mom.  Those were days I thought would never end.

There was no resting. I couldn’t imagine afterward. There were mornings when I woke up feeling like my bed was a launching pad. As soon as my feet hit the floor I’d be on a treadmill that picked up speed throughout the day until I finally flew off backwards at midnight, and staggered back to bed for a couple of hours.

I sometimes felt like a punching bag. It seemed there were always little feet in my stomach. Before my babies were born they kicked, then while they nursed, while we read stories, and even while I slept. My kids picked my most vulnerable moments of sheer unconsciousness at 3 a.m. to report a nightmare and climb into our bed. The next thing I’d know they were sleeping sidewards with their feet digging into my side and their head in their dad’s back.

In those days I always had a headache. About 3 in the afternoon I’d realize it was because I hadn’t gone to the bathroom all day. Mothers don’t have time for such trivial things. Besides, whenever I sat down for a minute alone on the john, some kid or another would open the door with a few neighborhood friends to tattle on a younger brother. Why invite that humiliation? It’s less trouble to just “hold it.” I was keeping track of so many other people’s potty schedules, I had to eliminate my own. I don’t think anyone cared much about my sacrifice.

I was always tired. It felt like I hadn’t slept for years! When I was in bed I had so much rattling around in my brain, I’d have to get up and write it all down. Since I was up, I usually checked on something or someone, remembered to write an excuse note to the teacher, took the milk bottles out, wiped off the sticky counter and put some shoes away. Then I’d sit down on the couch and think. It was so quiet at midnight, I almost hated to waste it by sleeping. If anyone asked I could boast, “I never sleep on the job.” Nobody asked.

Mostly I felt unappreciated. “Yuck…does this have onions?” was the usual compliment at dinner. New clothes were greeted with “Mom, the tags itch…I don’t like it.” An outing to the park always ended in tears, and the darling brothers and sisters I’d thoughtfully provided for everyone were annoying and smelly. I sometimes wondered what the point of it all was. I never got a promotion or a raise. Our next door neighbor told me I looked like a mother quail with all her little chicks following her in order down the street. Was this the fulfillment of all my dreams?? My dedication to this career went unnoticed. My husband was always supportive and encouraging, but I didn’t feel valued by society.

Let me tell all you moms out there that I appreciate you. Every time you say, “How many times do I have to tell you…” you are teaching your kids responsibility. When you say, “Don’t hit, bite, kick…” a hundred times a day, you’re promoting peace. Every day when you’re still there, you’re teaching your children trust and dependability and love. You may not realize what you’re doing, but you are changing the world, one kid at a time, one day at a time.

One of my favorite scriptures is “Be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work,and out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” Is there a greater work than providing a happy, safe home for kids? They need the strength you give them to survive and grow, and then they will contribute.

However, I admit that I love being free of everyday motherhood responsibilities. I’m appreciating middle age a lot! You guys, hang in there. The greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home. You can rest afterward.

 Marty writes at her blog, TravelinOma.